The Window

1

You always hear people say, “A parent should never have to bury their child”, the same could be said for a child having to bury their parent whom was in great health and still had a lot of years in their life.  Especially if the death was the child’s fault.  Today I was burying my mother and yes, it was my fault.  I had been a very rebellious, selfish 16 year old, but weren’t most 16 year olds?  I definitely had my faults but so did she.  If she had just spent more time with me or even punished me for some of things I was doing instead of just sticking her nose up her new husband’s behind, things might have been different.  She may still have been alive today.  But no, she chose to ignore what I was getting into and instead focus on her new love.  I guess she deserved to be happy.  My father walked out on us when I was just 4 years old and my mom was still pregnant with my younger brother, Dylan.  She had to work 2 jobs for us just to stay afloat and I had to grow up fast, way faster than most kids.  She had boyfriends in between, but they never worked out.  One was abusive; his name was John I think.  I was probably about 6 or 7 and watched him beat the shit out of her.  She called the police and luckily we never saw him again.  Then there was Thomas.  He was a sweet talker and never told my mom he was a registered sex offender.  I was 9 and starting to bloom.  He threatened to hurt my family if I told, but one day my brother walked in on him and lord knows that boy can’t keep a secret.  I actually thought my mom was going to beat the shit out of him.  However, not only did it violate me, it violated his probation and he went straight to jail.  After that my mom pretty much gave up until she met Daniel.  They met at the grocery store, I know cliché right?  Daniel was good to her, so good she forgot all about me.  Still, at 37 she did not deserve to die, regardless who I blame my actions on.  Thankfully, Daniel and Dylan don’t hate me; well that’s what they say anyway.  They are just happy to be alive.  We agreed to tell the police that those guys just broke into my window, not that I let them in for my own pleasure.  That’s what everyone else thinks too.  Forgive and forget. 

2

“Shhh, be quiet! You’re going to wake my mom or step dad up, or worse, my brother!”  “I’m trying to be quiet Avery, but your window is so dang high off the ground I have got to pick myself up to slide in!”  Logan Shrew was the star quarter back for Greenstown High.  I’ve had my eye on him for a long time, and when he finally acknowledged me, I wasn’t going to let him go.  He was tall with a muscular build, short blonde hair and the brownest eyes that would make your heart melt.  He was having trouble with algebra and if he failed, he was going to be kicked off the football team.  I told him he could come over and I could tutor him, I wasn’t exactly a star student, but I wasn’t so bad in algebra.  It wasn’t long before we were kissing and making out.  After a few “tutor” dates, we were humping like two wild dogs in heat.  I talked him into sneaking out and coming over to my house.  Luckily he only lived a few blocks down.  I had snuck so many boys in my room before and never gotten caught.  “I think I hear someone walking around, be quiet!” I whispered to Logan.  I don’t know what I liked better, the attention I was getting from the guys I snuck in or the rush of not getting caught.  Both I supposed.  After we did what he came over for, I pushed him back out and told him to call me later.  Logan wasn’t my boyfriend.  We were on two different levels at school and even if he asked me, as hot as he was, I don’t think I really wanted a boyfriend to hold me down.  I wanted to be able to flirt with whomever I wanted. 

 

3

The next morning I didn’t wake up until 11:00, thankfully it was Saturday.  “Well look who finally decided to get up.”  Even though my little brother was 4 years younger than me we got along pretty well.  Luckily for him, he was too young to remember any of the men before Daniel.  He was the “baby” though, so he wasn’t quite as familiar as I was with being ignored by our mother.  When I say my mother ignored me, I don’t really mean neglected, I was fed and clothed and she made sure my basic needs were taken care of.  She just didn’t pay any attention to my dropping grades at school, the bad crowd I had started hanging out with, the red eyes from smoking weed in the back yard behind the shed or the fact that I was sneaking people, mostly guys, in my window at night.  “Good morning Avery,” my mother said.  She was tall and skinny with the most perfect breasts.  She had short blonde hair that she called a pixy cut.  She was beautiful and didn’t look 37.  A lot of people said we looked like twins, except my hair was longer, down to my shoulders and my boobs were a lot smaller than hers.  Ugh.  “Where you on that phone all night? I thought I heard you talking.  You know, I really don’t like you staying up all night on that phone.”  “Yea mom, I was on the phone with Lexie.  Sorry.”  I said quickly then I grabbed a bowl of Frosted Loops and ran to take a quick shower.  I was lucky enough to have already gotten my driver’s license and with the money I saved from my part time job after school at the Grocer’s Market I was able to buy me a 1994 Honda Accord.  It was older but it was mine, plus it was paid for.  I got dressed; today I was going to meet my best friend Lexie at the mall.  Lexie and I went back to elementary school.  It had always just been us and that’s the way we liked it.  Less drama.  “Bye mom, I’m going to pick up Lexie and we are going to the mall for a little while.”  She waved bye, she was on the phone with Daniel.  He was at work, and from the way it sounded he was heading home and wanted to know what she wanted for lunch. 

Lexie lived a few neighborhoods down from me, when I pulled up in her driveway I just honked the horn.  About five minutes later she came out.  Lexie was petite with long brown hair and she always wore those fake glasses people have made popular the past few years.  I could never pull them off, but they looked good on her.  “Hey bitch, what took you so long?”  She put on her purse on the floorboard.  “Sorry, I woke up late.”  Even though Lex and I went back for what seemed forever, she still didn’t know everything about me, like the fact I sneak guys into my bedroom window.  Ashamed? Maybe.  “Well, I was hoping we would have been gone like an hour ago,” Lexie looked into the passenger side mirror in the visor.  She poked around with what looked like a fresh pimple, “Gross, that wasn’t there this morning.  Probably stress from waiting!”  Lexie laughed.  “I’m sorry, geesh!  I wasn’t going to the mall without showering first.”  Lexie leaned over and sniffed my shirt.  “Girl, you better stop!”  I yelled and playfully pushed her shoulder.

The mall was packed today, unusually so that there were almost no parking spaces left, probably a sale going on.  We finally found one; it was so far I thought I was going to have to take a break before reaching the door.  When we walked in the front door a mix of foods from around the world hit my nostrils like a slap in the face.  “Which store first?”  I asked Lexie, as if I didn’t know.  Lexie Kent’s favorite store was Perry’s.  It was one of those stores that sold naughty, novelty items but occasionally had some cute stuff.  After Perry’s and several other clothing stores, I was getting a craving for a smoothie from Joe Smoothie’s.  I ordered my usual Stawbana Pineapple and Lexie got a Blueberry Hawaiian splash.  After a surprisingly short observation, we found a table to sit at and enjoy our fruity drinks.  “Oh my gosh Avery, look at those guys over there.  I think the one in the blue shirt is actually looking at you.”  She gave a little head nod over to the right.  I turned my head slowly, trying not to be obvious but it was too late our eyes met.  The guy I was sharing stares with was probably the hottest guys I had ever seen, even hotter than Logan Shrew.  He was tan with a short, dark hair and his dark eyes stood out most of all.  He waved at me and I waved back.  Lexie giggled.  The other guy he was with didn’t even look up.  He seemed to be too busy texting someone.  Then, next thing I knew he was standing up walking over towards me.  He was tall and muscular.  He wouldn’t have a problem lifting himself up into my window, I thought.  “Hey, my friend and I were just sitting here and I just couldn’t help noticing your beautiful face,” he smiled and showed a nice set of perfect white teeth.  “I’m sorry, sometimes I come on too strong, was that too strong?”  It took me a minute to break the lock he had on me with his eyes.  “No, not too strong, although, it might be nice to know the name of the guy that’s hitting on me.”  I could feel my face getting warm.  I usually don’t blush but there was something about this guy that gave me a feeling I never really had before.  He smiled, bigger than before.  I don’t know what was sexier, his smile or his eyes.  Smile.  “I apologize, my name is Josh.  What is yours may I ask?”  “Avery,” I said without hesitation.  “And this is my friend Lexie.”  He turned at looked at Lexie like he just noticed that she was even there.  “Hi Lexie, how are you?”  “I’m alright,” Lexie turned to me, “Avery, I’m going to go over and grab a pretzel.”  She did a quick up and down motion with her eyebrows then turned her eyes toward Josh without moving her head.  Lexie didn’t really want a pretzel; this was just her way of giving us alone time.  She got up and walked off.  I turned back towards Josh and questioned why I had ever turned away.  He walked over and sat where Lexie had been sitting across from me.  “So Avery, what are you up to today?  Would you like to go hang out somewhere?”  “Hey Josh, I’ll be back I want to go run into Cap’s.”  His friend from his table yelled over to him.  “A’right,” you could tell Josh was annoyed that his friend interrupted him.  “Sorry, Bobby can be rude sometimes.”  “That’s ok,” I said, I could still feel myself blushing. “I’m going to be hanging out with my friend for a little while longer then nothing much after that.”  Josh smiled again, that smile could never get old.  “How about you ditch her and come hang with me?”  “I can’t, I’m her ride home,” Window.  “Besides, I don’t know anything about you.  What if you are a killer or something?”  We both laughed.  “Ok, ok that’s fair.  Well what do you want to know?”  I hadn’t thought of this yet, I was too caught up in his hot smile, dark eyes and too sexy short haircut.  Window.  “How old are you for starters?”  I already knew he was older than me because there’s no way I could have missed him at school.  “I’m 22.  How old are you?  Wait, let me guess, 17?”  A quick thought rushed through my head, I didn’t want him to run the other way if I said 16, maybe I should say 17 since he already seemed ok with that.  But then again, by the way he was looking at me; I didn’t think I had anything to worry about.  “I’m 16.  But I’ll be 17 in a couple of months.”  Josh smiled again, if he kept doing that I was going to orgasm right here in front of him.  “A little younger than I usually like to get involved with, but you say you’ll be 17 in a few months?”  “Yes, I will.”  “I think I can deal with that, is there anything else you would like to know about me, Avery?”  “Do you work or live around here?”  “I just moved here from Burnsville just a couple of weeks ago.  I was able to get a job here in construction, which is what I was doing in Burnsville,” Explained the muscles.  “I met Bobby at my new job; he’s the only friend I have here.  I’d like for us to become friends Avery, that is if you want to be my friend.”  That was a no-brainer.  “Of course,” I looked over at the pretzel stand; Lexie was next in line that must have been a long ass line.  “I tell you what, if you want why don’t you come over to my house tonight?”  Josh’s eyes lit up.  “But there is only one stipulation.”  “Anything.”  “I would prefer to have more alone time to get to know you versus my parents and little brother knowing you’re there.  How about you come later tonight, like when everyone’s asleep, and I’ll let you in my window.”  After saying this, I almost felt childish, but by the way Josh’s face looked he didn’t mind at all.  “It’s a date!”  I gave him my cell number and told him to call me around 1 in the morning and I would give him directions.  Just as Josh was saying goodbye and standing up, Lexie walked back over.  “Hey y’all, damn that was a long line at the pretzel stand.” 

4

I took Lexie home not long after meeting my new friend at the mall.  I told her we exchanged numbers and planned on getting together soon.  At home mom stayed in her room most of the remainder of the afternoon watching T.V., she probably wouldn’t have even known I was home had we not crossed paths coming and going from the kitchen and Dylan had been playing next door with his friend until it started getting dark then he came home, took a bath and went to bed.  It was getting late now and I knew mom would be going to bed soon.  Mom had always been a heavy sleeper and Daniel was working the graveyard shift and usually didn’t come home until around 5:00 a.m., which would be plenty of time for Josh to come over.  I looked at the neon clock on my wall, it was 11:30.  I walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, but really to see if anyone was up still.  Everything was black, so I tip toed around to my mom’s room and peaked into the cracked door.  I was unable to see her face in the darkened room but I didn’t have to, I could hear her snoring away in dreamland.  I quietly backed up and walked over to Dylan’s room.  I could see his face; the light from his computer monitor was still on and partially lit the room.  He was out and I was sure he would stay that way.  I crept back to my room and freshened up my makeup and just waited for my phone to vibrate, I turned the ring off just as an extra precaution. 

I was actually about to doze off when I finally felt my phone go off.  The number was blocked, it had to be him.  “Hello?”  “Hi there sexy, are you still up?”  “Yes, are you still going to come over?”  I was trying to whisper so I didn’t wake my mom or brother.  “You know I do, I couldn’t pass up coming over to see your face.”  This made me blush again!  “Listen, I’m about to leave Ray’s Bar in town, can you tell me how to get there from here?”  “Sure, I don’t live far from town so it won’t take you long to get here.  Listen, my mom doesn’t know you are coming, remember? So when you close, turn your lights off before pulling into the drive way and come straight to the back.  My window is the only one with a light on.  Better yet, call me on my cell again when you pull up so it doesn’t scare me!”  We both laughed, “Ok baby, I’ll do that.”  I proceeded to give him the directions to my house.  Had I known what was in store for my family and me, I would have never, ever done that.  Better yet, I would have just stayed home in the bed that day instead of going to the mall. 

 

 

 

5

I got the call around ten after one.  He was pulling up into my driveway and would meet me at my window.  I ran and took one quick look in the mirror, just to make sure my hair still looked good and went and sat by my window anxiously waiting for his knock.  There was a slight tap at the window and when I lifted it there he was, standing there with that God I could eat you up smile on his face.  “May I come in?”  “Of course, just try not to be too loud, they are all asleep and I’d like to keep it that way.”  Just like I expected, he lifted himself into the window with absolutely no strain at all.  “Who are they?”  He asked.  “My mom and little brother, my step father is working the late shift and usually gets home around five.  I’ll probably have to make you leave around 4:30, just to be safe.”  My step father not being home seemed to spark a look on his face.  I think it may have been at that moment, I felt an unsettling feeling of something’s not right but I just contributed my feelings to nerves.  I’ve had a lot of boys sneak in my room and at first I was nervous that I would get caught but time after time of never getting caught the nerves seemed to disappear.  Was I just nervous I would get caught? I wasn’t sure.  I brushed it off and walked towards Josh.  “So, what do you want to do?”  I wasn’t quite sure what I was expecting, but what he said next took me by surprise.  “I’m going to fuck you and your mother and then when I’m done, I’m going to kill all of you.”  Before I could even manage out a scream he walked over and punched me in the side of my head so hard I saw white spots in my eyes.  I fell to the floor and tried to cry out but I couldn’t get anything out but a quiet whine.  He grabbed me by my hair and pulled so hard I could feel something in my neck pop.  A sharp pain drove down my neck into my shoulder.  “Please, please don’t hurt me.”  I could feel blood trickle down the side of my face where he had hit me.  “Oh, I’m going to hurt you don’t you worry about that princess but if you cooperate I’ll make sure it’s fast.”  He proceeded to punch me again and again until I blacked out.

When I awoke I had the worse headache, it was pounding from all sides.  “Please, no!”  I could hear my mom screaming from her room.  I tried to jump up and realized my arms were tied together by rope to my bed post.  “Mom! Mom! Stay away from my mother! Let us go!”  I screamed over and over until it felt like my throat was bleeding.  “Stop, please…”  I could hear my mother begging from the room over.  “Mom…”  All at once I burst into tears, Josh, if that was even his real name was just one room over doing who knew what to my mother, and here I was tied up and couldn’t get to her and it was all my doing.   “Leave my mom alone you bastard!”  Then my heart sank, where was Dylan?  I kept trying to free my wrists but it impossible. They were tied so tight my hands were turning purple.  I needed to get loose so I could get to my mother and brother.   “Hey Bobby, go check on that whore in the other room and bring her in to the living room.”  Bobby!  That was the guy from the mall.  He must have let him in while I was knocked out.  Bobby walked into the room and started to untie my rope.  “Don’t try anything or I will kill you right here bitch.”  Once he got my hands untied he pulled my arms around my back, he was nowhere near as muscular as Josh but strong nonetheless.  He used the rope to tie my wrists back together and he walked me into the living room where I saw what will haunt me for the rest of my life.  My brother was gagged and tied up on the couch.  His red face was swollen and wet from tears and on the floor was my mom; she was laying on her side, bleeding all over her face and crying for the two strange men to please not hurt her babies.  “Shut up bitch.”  Josh kicked my mother in the ribs and she let out a loud cry.  “Leave us alone.  Why are you doing this?”  Josh turned towards me.  He walked over and knelt in front of me.  We were face to face and I could feel his hot breath on my face.  “You didn’t tell me how hot your mama is,” he shook his head over towards her; “she didn’t even put up that much of a struggle when I fucked her.”  Bobby laughed.  “Fuck you!” I screamed.  “Oh don’t worry, I planned on it.”  He reached over towards me and without even thinking I spit in face, right beside his right eye.  He wiped it off.  “You bitch,” He wrapped his hands around my throat and picked me up right off the couch.  The sharp pain in my neck returned.  “I am going to kill you.”  “Leave her alone!”  My mother screamed again, this time it was more of a whisper.  Bobby walked over to her and pulled her up by her hair, “Didn’t we tell you to shut up?”  He slammed her face down into the floor.  The whole time Dylan was still crying.  You could hear his muffled “moms” from his gagged mouth.  Josh sat me back down and walked over to my mother again.  “I bet you didn’t know you had a slut for a daughter, did you?  We didn’t know each other fifteen minutes and she was already inviting me over to sleep with her.  I’m about to go and give her what she wants and I’m going to let you sit here and listen to it, then when I get back I’m going to kill all three of you.”  “No! No! Please! Leave my kids alone, I’ll do anything.  Just let them go.”  Josh just smiled, that smile I longed for earlier now made me want to vomit.  He started back my way and when he picked me up I urinated all over myself.  “You wanted me earlier, what’s wrong now baby?”  Without thinking I was able to get out of his grip but with my arms tied I wasn’t able to get too far, I felt him grab my arm above the elbow and pull me back.  “If you try that again, I’m going to have to hurt you.”  He pulled me back into my room and attmepted to take my shorts off.  In his left pocked I could see what looked like a knife handle.  Then all at once I remembered an interview I saw on one of those mid-day talk shows.  A lady was about to be raped and when her attacked got on top of her she grabbed his testicles and squeezed as hard as she could.  The attacker was in so much shock he was literally at her mercy.  I think I had a plan.  God please let it be a good plan.  “Wait, wait, I do want you, but how can I enjoy it with my hands tied up?  Please untie them so we can both enjoy it.”  That smile.  “Do you seriously think I’m that dumb?”  He pushed me down on the bed.  “No, I don’t think you’re dumb, I, I just asked if you could untie me so we could both enjoy it, please.”  I wasn’t sure if this plan was going to work or not, but he already made it known he was going to kill me anyway.  Josh seemed to really be considering my plea.  “Ok, I’ll untie you but if you try anything I won’t think twice to choke you right here.”  He turned me around and started untying the rope.  My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my throat.  I could feel the air hit my wrists as soon as the grip was loosened.  He turned me around, “Ok baby, show me what you want.”  Please God, let this plan work, just like the lady on T.V.  I walked closer to him and started taking his belt loose and unbuttoned his jeans.  His manly part looked like it was saluting me.  “Take your pants off.”  He demanded.  I pulled my shorts off and all of a sudden I felt real sick, I could taste the vomit.  Don’t vomit Avery; don’t let him see you have an ulterior motive.  “Everything ok in there man?”  Bobby yelled from the living room.  Bobby! Oh no!  I forgot about Bobby!  “Shut up and just do your job in there.”  Josh yelled.  “Lay down.”  As I lay on the floor, my whole, short life flashed in front of my eyes.   If this plan didn’t pan out my family would lose their lives, I wouldn’t graduate high school or attend college, get married or have kids.  Why had I been so selfish?  Josh crawled up on top of me, we both still had our shirts on and his pants were still on, just pulled down to his knees.  As soon as he lifted up I quickly sat up and grabbed his testicles as hard as I possibly could.  Josh let out a groan.  “Let me go you bitch!”  He tried to hit me but I just squeezed them harder.  He stopped in pain.  I hastily reached for the knife without even thinking.  “Hey man, is everything ok in there?”  Bobby called out.  “Listen here you motherfucker,” I held the knife up to him while still holding a firm grip on his nuts, “you are going to do what I say now, or I will cut your balls off.  Shake your head if you understand.”  He gave a quick nod.  He was starting to sweat; the pain he was feeling in his groin was so tremendous he couldn’t even move.  “Tell your friend that everything’s ok, then tell him to leave.”  “Bobby,” he yelled out, “yea man?”  “Kill the mom.”  “No!” I screamed and without hesitation I stabbed Josh in the throat.  He tilted over and started to smile.  His white teeth now stained red.  He tried to say something, probably bitch or whore but it just came out in a gurgle of blood.  I jumped up and ran into the living room to go save my mom, but when I walked in it was too late.  Bobby had already beaten her head in with the lamp that sat on the table with our family picture.  Dylan was crying hysterically as Bobby started towards him.  “No! Leave my brother alone!”  I ran up behind him, he didn’t even see me coming and stabbed him in the back.  He turned around with a look of complete shock.  He reached for me and grabbed me around my throat and I dropped the knife.  Then we all heard something none of us were expecting at that very moment.

6

Daniel.  Daniel was home from work.  As soon as I heard him close the door I screamed for him.  “Daniel! Help! Help us!”  Daniel came running around the corner and stopped.  He paused for a brief moment at what he saw.  My mother lay dead on the floor, Dylan on the coach bound and gagged and me half naked with an intruder holding me around my throat.  “Back off, or I will snap her neck right now.”  Bobby’s grip got tighter around my throat.  “Don’t hurt her!” “Sit down, right there on the couch until I can think what I’m going to do.  Josh! Where are you man?”  When Josh didn’t reply, a face of nervousness rushed over him.  This wasn’t his plan, this was all Josh’s and now that it wasn’t going to plan Bobby had no idea what to do.  “What did you do to him?”  “Nothing,” I sputtered out.  “Nothing that he didn’t deserve.”  This only infuriated him; he was gripping my throat so tight that I couldn’t even breathe.  He was suffocating me.  All while this was going on, Bobby hadn’t noticed that Daniel was able to untie Dylan’s hands.  Dylan kept his hands behind his back to fool the big invader while Daniel took the rope into his hands.  From there everything went so fast that I can barely recall everything that happened. Daniel jumped up and wrapped the rope around Bobby’s throat, he immediately let me go and I fell to the floor.  He pushed Daniel down like a weak wannabe cowboy riding his first bull at a rodeo.  He immediately reached for me then stopped.  I saw his eyes grow wide and he staggered.  I saw him reach for the back of his head but he fell before he could reach what he was looking for.  Behind him was Dylan, still gagged.  He had stabbed Bobby in the back of the head.  Bobby who was now convulsing on the floor made some gurgling noises then stopped.  I ran up to Dylan and untapped his mouth.  Daniel brought me a sheet to cover up with and sat down to call the police.  “You bitch!”  It was Josh crawling out of my room.  He made one last gurgling noise then fell to the ground.

7

The police came and we filed a report.   We told them the story that the two guys broke into my bedroom window, Daniel even went out back and busted it from the outside. Turns out Josh and Bobby were both wanted in Burnsville as well for a similar incident to another family.  Unfortunately for them, no one lived to file a report. The next few days seemed to go by fast.  Daniel and Dylan say the forgive me; I guess I’ll never know for sure if it’s true, hell I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.  Daniel did agree to keep taking care of us, which was nice of him since we technically weren’t his.  We had visitors come and check in on us, making sure we ate, and the house was clean.  I was excused from school for the rest of the year, as was Dylan. We planned my mother’s funeral and here we are today.  Oh and as for me and sneaking guys into my window-I’m done.  Even if it is Logan Shrew.

As the funeral came to an end, Daniel and Dylan walked up to my mother’s casket that was about to be lowered and threw a flower inside.  I went last.  “Goodbye mom, I love you and I’m sorry.”  I threw my flower in.  A bright red rose, her favorite.